whats new

So whats new. Well i have to get b's on 3 of my finals just to stay here next semester. Oh and I found out i was turned down for my loan even with my grandparents co-signing. I know it was a mistake but it just hit me how bad my credit is because of one or two fucking mistakes. But my mom and i are going to settle this tomorrow and basicly bitch at the loan people cause we know my grandparents credit score. Oh and before i forget turkey day was awesome i sat around my house in a pair of sweat shorts and a hoodie all day including dinner. It was the best turkey day i have had in a long time. This entire weekend rocked it was a break from everything it was even a break from home as odd as that is. Honestly the only bad thing about break is that i was out of it after i find out i was turned down. I am still out of it but i have to force myself to do more than just going through the motions especialy if i want to be back next semester. But i have decided if i do get kicked out i am going to get a job and place up here in ames and do everything i can to get back in. I will graduate from here and I will help people in need. I hate school and just want it to be over with but i have so much of it left i know once i get myself out of this whole i will be fine. Only problem is that i have been here for 2 and 1/2 years. I hope i can get out of it between now and end of next semester. I know i can recover from this i just need a little help. I dont know what kind of help i need i mean i have everything in my life that i have wanted. Only thing i dont have is someone to love. I mean i love my friends and family its just i wish i had more. I know it seems odd and stupid even but oh well its what i am feeling. Yea so i am waking up in like 3 hours and need to be coherent for class in just over 4 oh well hopefully breakfeast will help wake me up and hopefully i can get to sleep soon. I can't wait for x-mass but i also dont want my fate to be decided already. Damn it why couldn't i just have gone to class like a good little boy all this time. Oh well my mistake to make and my mess to clean up. Here's hoping 3 weeks is enough time to study up and get atleast B's more preferable are A's. Ok well i am going to try and get to sleep know.

love you all

Tgard